These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm (忍笑) while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: What gear (汽車波段) were you in at the
moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
(Gear 的另一解釋: 特種用途的衣服...)
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis (重症肌無力), does it
affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
(註:既然影響記憶力, 又怎記得?)
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: 45 years. (註: 45 大過 38 或 35...)
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo (巫毒教)?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
(註: 在法庭說謊可能會被控藐視法庭)
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's 20 .
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (懷孕) (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... (究竟幹些什麼會導致懷孕呢???)
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies (驗屍) have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: ALL my autopsies are performed on dead people.
(向活人"驗屍"好像叫謀殺吧... )
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!
(註: 驗屍時屍體應該是在裸體的狀態 )
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
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<And the best for last>
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practising law.
(註: 在沒有腦袋的狀態)
